Rose

Doran can I just start?

Doran

Yes, go ahead.

I just wondered if you had seen anything in particular during the event?

Shall I just tell you what I’ve seen then?

Rose

Yes tell me what you’ve seen.

Ok, well I saw the auditorium a lot. I saw the men in the light box. I saw Fiona sitting in the auditorium talking. I saw the light flashing on the video camera recording the performance. I saw somebody come in with a torch during the interval to change the tape in the camera. I saw Valentina at the side of the stage several times. I saw the whole… I turned round a couple of times to the back and so I saw the whole performance.

When you say you saw the whole the performance, you saw what?

I saw every body on the stage a couple of times. Because I was facing out most of the time, everything was behind me but a couple of times I saw everything behind me was in front of me when I turned round. I saw traces of black makeup on the red satin material that I was standing on. I saw my body a lot. I saw the clothes that I’d taken off on the floor. I saw James walking around. I saw James on the right side and then I saw James on the left side. I saw a ladder on the balcony by the lights that I’d seen on the right side as I look out and then I noticed that it had moved to the left. I saw the lights. I saw the seats. I noticed that some of the seats were more threadbare than others. Shall I keep going?

I would like to also ask you what was the most surprising thought you had during the whole thing?

What was the most surprising thought that I had during the whole thing? The most surprising thought? Oh, I thought about leaving. (Laughs) I thought about leaving towards the end. I got really pissed off with it. I just got pissed off just standing there for so long and I’d painted myself completely black and I was thinking well I could start scraping the black make up off but… yes I’d thought about leaving. That was the most surprising thought.

And was any body there? Was anybody there?

Was anybody there? You mean dead people?

Well yes, that was just a thought I had. Was anybody there?

D G

Well, I didn’t know if anybody was there. I heard James talking so I assume he was talking about somebody being there. And at one point I thought I bet my grandmother’s here, my Nana, who I used to call my Nana, and I thought I bet my grandmothers here because I think my Nana would really approve of all the things I’m doing in my life at the moment so I just had this sense of her being there and like, being like, yer go for it! (Laughs) And I wanted to know if he’d been in contact with her - so I thought about that. And then someone that I’m very close to had a heart attack but survived the heart attack and I was listening to the heartbeat with the stethoscope and I had this strange thought about this whole idea of when people have near death experiences they visit the spirit world, and all that kind of thing and I was kind of thinking, I had this thought about somehow this person might be able to connect with me there - even though this person is alive and so there is no reason why they’d be in the spirit world but I really enjoyed that little thought. Yes.

And anything else that you’d like to say that feels particularly pertinent or pressing? Even if it’s an inexplicable thing?

It really changed for me in the second half. I was really surprised how much it changed for me in the second half. That was something I really noticed. I was in really erotic space in the first half and I was thinking a lot about my lover and doing this strip. And then just before the second half - I was naked for a little while before the second half and I’d drawn bits on my body and suddenly I was right there, in the theatre and it was like I was involved in this task. And it was like whatever kind of performance persona, body, dance, trance space I’d been in before hand was gone. I was in a completely different space in second half and I was quite surprised how marked that was really. That’s all. I haven’t anymore to say really.

Well thank you very much

You’re welcome

I’m so very interested to hear that there was an interval. (Laughs) Who’d like to speak next? Would you? I don’t know your name.

Chris

I’m Rose. Was there a particular thing about the experience that you would like to recoil or report?

I noticed myself a lot more than I have done previously. I was very aware of my breathing and my contact with the floor and where I was using my energy. I was very aware that at one point there was sweat trickling down my inner arm, and because my focus was on the television - but that had glazed over and I was just in the moment of that happening, very localised and sensitive. Some times I… I can’t really recall anything actually…

That’s interesting

…around me because I have to look at the telly so much I’m very unaware of what’s going on around me. And as the piece progressed I became more and more unaware.

More unaware?

Because at the beginning I was looking at the television and glancing away and coming back to it but by the end I was not glancing away at all. So I became more and more focused on the television and it became more like meditation. I was saying to myself GO, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. The television to go and the video to start again. And it became very fixed. I wasn’t floating through lots of different thoughts really.

And even though you weren’t floating through thoughts did a thought strike you or did a surprising realisation come to you at all. Or a message?

I can’t think of anything. Maybe there was but I just can’t remember it now. I just can’t remember anything.

And was it pleasurable? (Laughs)

Well, no it wasn’t and it wasn’t painful or horrible. But I wouldn’t say it was pleasurable in a sexually satisfying way.

It was interesting just because of what Doran was saying about having experienced an erotic space. It's a very different response.

I wasn’t really wearing many clothes but that didn’t make me feel, in any way sensual, sexual. Sorry, what was the original question?

Well the original question, which I think you have answered quite well, was just how you experienced the event? How you personally experienced it? And then I asked if you had had an actual realisation or thought?

Was it pleasurable?

And then was it pleasurable?

There was one pleasurable moment when Nanette, when she met me and she was in contact with me. That was nice. I really liked that. I had to try and think about the television much harder then. (Lots of laughter from all)

Do you think that the television noticed? (Laughter)

It probably did

(Laughter)

In a sexual way actually, it was a really amazing moment of the evening. I felt that I could share that as well.

OK. Anything else you would like to say?

What time is it? (Laughter)

It’s twenty to seven. Who would like to speak next? Would you like to? Do you have a particular viewpoint of the experience?

Navraj

Viewpoint?

Yes. Or a particular way of describing what you saw?

Well the thing that comes into my head is Valentina, Valentina. Obviously it was a repeated movement but I think that’s going to stick in my head because it felt like all eyes were on Valentina when she was going to fall. And well it was incredibly tiring I hadn’t expected it to be tiring. That fed in, I don’t know how long we’ve done it for but you expect it to be tiring but it fed in.

The tiredness fed in?

Yes, it almost became absurd and you thought 'what the fuck'. You know. And what are we doing. And it became in a way quite careless and 'oh no this is just going on and on'. Where as before I think I was trying to tune myself into something, you know, fine-tuning. Now it was just 'fuck it'. My head was floppy; my body was floppy but I was in the same boat as everybody else so that was what was absurd about it. And you could see, I could feel the fatigue on stage. You know there’s that tension and energy beforehand and it was crazy. It was an interesting experience to have.

And did you have any thought or realisation during it in spite of fatigue?

Yes, I couldn’t say realisation about…

Or about anything not necessarily about the piece.

Well there was a little realisation about three quarters way through when I realised I hadn’t had a chance to look into peoples faces. When they were ‘under’, when they were under. I saw frank do one, I don’t know why I was quite closed - because there was so much other stuff going on and the mind was every where and he made a sound and I suddenly realised I didn’t see it coming. I wasn’t in his face. That was like old Frank.

Old Frank?

Yes, from previous lookings into Franks’ face. And that was already three-quarters of the way through and I thought “where was I all this time and where was I looking” and that intimate looking in the face. And there was Frank. And Jo doing a monkey, Jo doing a different thing, that I had never seen and it was like a little monkey. Ah, Jo’s doing a monkey! (Laughter) It went through my head at that point.

Who would like to speak next? Nanette? What was your main experience of it Nanette?

Nanette

Well, again just so tired, where it was getting to a point where I cannot do this any more and I will not do this any more. And I was consciously making a principled point 'no I’m not going to do my dance any more” and then I thought “oh no the space is empty and I was supposed to go in if there is an empty space'. And suddenly I kept going over all the rules, making myself do it even though I just didn’t want to and getting angry because I kept falling over every time I was doing the fast dance. So just starting to get angry and frustrated and then I was getting really upset watching Val because you could see it was so hard. And then I started to think can I break a rule by not letting her go on? And can I catch her so she doesn’t have to keep dropping on the floor? And I starting to go over all these things switching in and out of being very involved and not being conscious at all and then defiantly making decisions about no I’m not doing this and can I change something here? And so just that switching to and fro and only realising afterwards that I’d gone in or out of the space in my head.

That’s the space of deciding to do it or not to do it?

Yes.

And was there any moment that was pleasurable for you? (Laughs)

The moment with Chris was good but I think I had a couple of times with him but the second time was really great because I was really tierd at that point and just having that support from someone else, it felt like not being there all by yourself. Doing this thing was good. And also there were times when I was doing the really fast dance and I think it was Gill had to stop me from falling over the edge of the stage or something, so I thought I could keep going as long as I just hold on to her. So I kept on trying to do it, wobbling along but holding onto her arm. So then I felt a lot better again. So it was just about finding someone really and not feeling so alone. And when I was fresh then I didn’t mind feeling alone, it was nice to explore that place, but when I was that tired I didn’t want to be there, exploring that.

Ok. Thank you, thank you Nanette. Tim can I ask you next how you experienced the event?

Tim

Well, I wanted the rest of them to understand something. I had something to tell them. I was not sure if there was anyone there at all. It was like there could be or there so could not be and so I was trying to tell them something. I was doing my best to convey it, what was coming to them, but really not certain if it was getting across. So each time I went into the space I was trying to do it… I had to do it better or more…or just get somehow the urgency across to them but it never got through and I was getting a bit cross by that by the end.

And did you ever feel that somebody was bringing a message to you?

No.

No?

No, not at all.

And did you have any particular thought that was a surprise to you.

Yes, within my sort of dance there’s actually journeys that involve steps across the space rather than gestural things relative to my own body and I thought what am I showing with these journeys, actually why is there movement across the space? If I'm trying to show them some thing, what is that that I'm trying to show? I can understand more easily what a lot the gestural language was about but the movement, I thought, Oh dear I should really know this by now, not actually during the show, but never mind.

Any other things you'd like to say?

Two things. I was really shocked and horrified that I fell asleep half way through. (laughs) Yes, during the interval, and I was having one of those dream conversations with Simon, like you do when you're asleep and shouldn't be, out of guilt. And when he shouted 'two minutes' I really started violently awake thinking Oh God, Oh no, how unprofessional. (Laughs) And the other thing was my rests became more irksome than actually being on stage which is interesting because the rests became more stressful and more difficult and actually going on became a relive. Not that it wasn't nice to finish mind you…

Well thank you. I had a very particular view of you actually myself so you are my main root.

Does any of it agree?

Yes, yes. I feel it did. I did get the sense of you being a messenger.

Lovely toga wasn't it?

Oh it was a fantastic toga. Ok thank you. Perhaps I can ask you next Valentina. How it was for you and whether there was a particular experience you had with it?

Valentina

I think because of the length and because I was repeating the same, it really did change from beginning and to the end.

Yes.

It was very, very hard to do the same entrance, to repeat the same entrance, that was the hardest thing. And it got frustrating having to fall and it did get quite painful towards the end. But really frustrating, I was thinking as well like maybe I won't do the next section and you start off thinking about breaking the rules. But at the same time, because I had this red wig on, I thought what a funny sight I might be. So I didn't take myself too seriously. There was the thing of feeling frustrated and getting really angry and taking myself very seriously falling over but with this red wig I had this image of myself and thought it was quite funny in a way. One bit in particular was I the interval because I thought in the interval the lighting would come on before the next section

Yes.

So in the interval I was actually in front of the curtain with Doran and there was this amazing flashing of the lights and I did my phrase very, very slow and that was very pleasurable. I mean in a kind of painful way but it was very pleasurable because it was not just repetition, I found something completely new.

Yes.

I mean there's a lot more because… but I think… yes…

And if you could choose one of those things from the more that you've just inferred was an experience, what would it be?

I think I also found it quite isolated and was quite envious. And when I was looking at people doing their stuff I was really envious. And…. And it was very hard to have just one person in the audience

To have just one?

Yes, because I had this particular thing about looking at Fiona and saying like 'I'm here' to Fiona and I felt quite apologetic because I was repeating the same thing and was thinking sorry Fiona I've got to do the same thing but… Yes it was very hard to just have one person in the audience.

And do you think that you will go away with one particular thought that was a surprise to you?

It was surprising that that even though it was very intense I was really capable of thinking about completely different stuff. That was surprising to me, I thought that I would be completely involved but my mind kept switching off and on.

Could I just quickly ask you Jo? What fragments did you find the most exciting, even if it was just a nanosecond?

Well in the first turn that I did…

Yes.

I had been leading up to it, leading up to it with all this preparation and I actually clicked in the first tape and I thought yeah ok I know now what I'm aiming for because I was struggling whether I would find that or not. I was prepared in a way but its still not to know whether you would… there's something quite selfish in the journeys which is.. I like!

You like! (Laughs)

But the thing with the whole progression of the two hours and these amazing before and afters, of these states and how your focus changes because your focus is so open at the beginning- 'I'm aware, I'm aware, I'm ready'. And at one point I was just totally with Valentina, it was the point when Valentina was getting really fucked off actually and I was just watching her eyelids move and the same actually as Nannette, you just want to go and touch this person and to go and break the rules in fact. I think the sensitivity grew over the two hours and kind of distilled what you see really. There are lots of things, lots of things. Another mesmerising moment was Nanette with her slow dance and I could have just watched that for hours really. And I think that everybody felt that and we let these magic moments just keep going. You know there's an awareness as well of what's dull to me and what's dull to a viewer.

Yes.

But I didn't really care in the end what the viewer was going to receive because it was about, it was about, it was a lot to do with these rises and falls in energy in the room and I think everybody was aware of that and occasionally I did focus on Fiona, it was almost like I wanted to ask her a question… Yes, that was one thing that was really weird, about half an hour before we finished, I really wanted to talk to somebody. I really wanted to talk to someone.

And what was it you wanted to ask? Was there a particular question that came to mind?

I think it was an extension of this care. Because we were caring physically, caring spatially. And also feeling things, like when Valentina hit the ground, it was very, very strong. I felt it, I mean I didn't, I didn't… but the speaking was an extension of this. A sort of easy way out, I thought about it as an easy way out to make sure that every one was alright.

Well, Jo I think I'll end it there. Ok Frank. Was there a particular thought or realisation that came to you during, that totally surprised you?

Frank

Totally surprised me? There was something about when the stage got completely empty. I really enjoyed that. And it hadn't been planed at all; we had always plans of ways of filling the stage. And actually it was kind of such a relive. It was like having fresh air; openness Just to stare in the openness of the space rather than… because you get so lost staring at people in a funny way. Just looking at them, there's something really… Yes I got very lost just watching people and the space made me made me aware again. So that surprised me.

And how, if you were to just describe how it was for you in a summery, how would you?

It was very heavy. I mean very heavy on the legs, very heavy on the back, just like standing in concrete a lot of the time. Just this sort of weight. Standing very little, hardly moving sometimes. Being so rooted on the spot, losing the body. That was something that came up quite a lot.

When you say something that came up quite a lot do you mean as something that you were doing or something that you were experiencing, as being heavy?

Feeling, experiencing the whole thing. Being quite heavy. Yes.

And any other things that seem like they're the forefront of your mind?

The moment between Nannette and Chris, which happened twice. It was very hard not to watch it as an audience on the stage and there was this moment where she was pleading with him and he was this hangmen, and he was kind of pleading with her and there was all this weird discrepancy of power but actually everybody was pleading. It was a really moving scene in a way. That kind of went on for ages, it seemed to have gone on for ages. So that was the most powerful moment.

Do you think that it was important that you were in a theatre?

Yes, it was because we were so lost in what we were doing but then sometimes we had to offer it to somebody in a way, otherwise I think it would have been… I don't know why or how we could have done it. There was something about the act of giving it away made it meaningful, made it possible. And it needed a theatre for that.

That that dynamic was an important component that was present?

Yes

Well thank you. Gill, what was your experience of the event?

Gill

My experience of the event was… As a whole thing?

It could as a whole thing or even as parts.

Yes, more as parts. The event was all parts I guess, or it feels like it now. Just the kind of being a witness throughout the whole thing and being present to witness. There were moments when I was really struck by other people's 'beingness' or 'presentness'. Sometimes when they seemed so engaged with the material that they were doing, those moments were quite touching, quite moving. You felt them very strongly. I was very struck I think by the curtain and the edge. The curtain and the edge and on occasion I was on the other side of the curtain. And a couple of times I was on the edge and I remember once with Navraj and he was in deep process and there was a lot of physicality going on and working in an area that is so close to the edge struck me quite strongly in terms of its metaphor.

And what was the metaphor that came to mind?

Just the balance between safety and risk. And safety being paramount, safety having to be very high on the agenda but also to be very permission giving and to let things breath. But the dance of safety and risk on the edge of the curtain.

And is there any particular thought or idea that came to you, other than the observations you’ve just spoken of, that your taking away with you, that you found surprising. In spite of every thing came to you?

A few things. I guess one is, I was very struck by some very fast work that Nannette was doing. Where it felt like she was completely surrendered to an energy or a being or whatever stimulus she was receiving through the headphones. Yes, she seemed to have completely surrendered to something, but it was so… I don't know, it was very emotional to watch. It was very emotional to watch.

And what was it that you found surprising about that? That it would be emotional or…?

I think the surprise is just like little moments of recognition when you realise how divinely beautiful another person is. And when another person is in such strong connection with themselves. In what ever it is they're doing they are profoundly beautiful and it's very touching. So I guess those were the surprises.

Fantastic. OK. Well thank you.

​​​Rose

Rose